A REAL Theater Drama

Why that NO PHONES, CAMERAS OR NOISY CANDY WRAPPER ANNOUNCEMENTS need to be made every time at theater. Last night I went to INTIMACY and a drama unfolded which surpassed anything on stage. Granted, this play with its abundant nudity and sex acts must attract a certain audience – like the guy sitting in my seat when I arrived cuz he wanted an optimal view of the infamous masturbation scene (He later changed seats twice during the evening for better views of action he was already familiar with, obviously). BUT, as the play started a drunken guy-gal couple began noisily eating a bag of popcorn in that intimate space. I said “Please stop that!” and was met by looks of pure evil and noisier munching. I got up and summoned an usher and pointed them out. They remained defiant, shooting me scowls and the finger, explosively finishing the bag even after he admonished them.
IT GETS BETTER!
At intermission, I stood against the wall of the theatre to make way for people to get past my aisle seat and wouldn’t you know this gruesome twosome shooting evil vibes at me all night decided to come at me and engage in front of the entire theater. She: “If you can’t eat popcorn, why do they sell it? You were just nasty! If you’d asked us nicely…but you were a rude queen! etc etc”
OH YEAH, SHE WENT THERE (and at this point the entire audience’s eyes were trained on us, including the several who’d also tried to shush these maniacs)
‘You’re really going there?” I said. “Yes!” she screamed. “I’m going THERE! Cuz that’s what you ARE! And keep your voice down! (?) We’re leaving but not because we have to! We WANT to!”
Incidentally, she was the kind of person who violently gets right in your face, shrieking and wildly gesticulating, and, when you so much as move an inch, is all “DON’T YOU DARE HIT ME! I’M A WOMAN!!” Which is what she did.
By this time a couple of ushers had arrived and were trying to remove them, but the guy came right up in my face an inch away from me, spitting bile, while the crowd went bananas…(actually he was just a big ole what his friend had called me, so somewhat less than truly terrifying)
They left, I received thank you’s and support from the audience, apologies from the staff and free cocktails.
Then we had to watch the rest of the show ( which really sucked lol).